Okay, let’s get real. Over the 22 months of this pandemic, I gained 13 (yes, that’s 10 plus 3) pounds. My go-to is to say “I don’t know what happened,” like a helpless little space cadet, but I do know exactly what I did.

We were all scared and hiding in our homes, the gym was closed, and what was I to do? I sat on my couch and explored the universe through my TV screen, day after day, month after month. While I was staring at the TV, what did I do? I ate microwave popcorn (the good kind that’s probably loaded with trans-fats). And, yes, it was as soothing as petting a trible, calming my frantically firing neurons that kept asking: Who else is going to die? Anything else? Yeah, I was nervous, so I started going back for seconds. And? Oh, and, that second glass of wine.

Actually, I’m grateful that I had strategies to deal with my fear and distress during the hardest months, and I’m now emotionally ready to remove the extra 13 pounds. But what will that take?

This might be an alien concept, but I believe that the mind and body will tell you when it is ready to do something as draconian as “going on a reducing diet.” I know, people act like dieting is as easy as falling off a log (no, not that kind of log), but losing weight is actually a huge imposition on your mind and body. At Stop Losing and Win, we share strategies to maintain, to keep you on an even keel. To lose weight is to declare war on yourself.

I can diet for a few months, going to bed hungry, counting every morsel. So far, I have lost four pounds. I’ll keep you posted in my next Captain’s Log. In the meantime, raise the shields and man the lasers, Mr. Chekov! It’s going to be a bumpy ride.

An article in the Medical Press titled “Study links depression scores, white blood cell count” https://medicalxpress.com/news/2021-12-links-depression-scores-white-blood.html provides strong evidence of something we already know: the mind and body are not two separate entities; they are one and the same. Apparently, depression increases your white blood cell count, an indication of systemic inflammation. Your depression can make you physically ill. If that weren’t enough, scientists have also discovered that just having a genetic predisposition to depression increases inflammation. If you have a family history of clinical depression, be aware and tend to your self-care.

Many people wonder if they are depressed. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5^th edition (DSM-5), major depression can be diagnosed when you have five or more of the following symptoms (I have condensed these for easy reading):

1. Depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day
2. Marked diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities
3. Significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain
4. Insomnia or hypersomnia nearly every day
5. Psychomotor agitation or retardation nearly every day
6. Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day
7. Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt nearly every day
8. Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day
9. Recurrent thoughts of death, recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide

All of these symptoms are serious. Please seek the help of a mental health professional if you suspect you are depressed. Treatment is important for your mental health and for your overall wellness.

What have we learned? Just because a condition is “psychiatric” it doesn’t mean that it’s not “biological” as well. Sigmund Freud may have developed modern psychiatry, but his emphasis on the mind as both the cause and the source of psychiatric distress severely missed the mark. Our minds are in our brains, and our brains are, strictly speaking, biological. Mental and physical health cannot be separated. What impacts your thoughts and feelings is also working on your body.

These findings provide both a stark warning and an opportunity. Knowing how important your mental health is to your physical health should encourage you to seek treatment for symptoms of depression. Moreover, it should motivate you to be conscientious about your self-care. Knowing that we are biological beings, through and through, provides a great new opportunity to control our destinies.

I know a ton of us rely on antidepressant, antipsychotic, antianxiety, or antimanic drugs to keep us in a steady state. I also know from experience that many of these drugs can result in weight gain. Although the mechanism that causes weight gain is not clearly explained in the research we have reviewed, there is evidence that some of these drugs increase appetite and that they may also suppress metabolism. When I see my shrink is a couple of weeks, I will ask him what he thinks and report back.

If you suspect that your medications are tipping the scale, consider some of the things that we have done to counteract the impact of psych drugs on our weight.

1. Do not throw your hands up in despair and stop taking your medications. No, no, no! There are a few hacks to try first. Some adjustment in the eating and moving departments are both (a) under your control and (b) easily accomplished. Let me explain.
   
   
2. You may be hungrier than you think so eat something. Try some easy and painless changes in the snacking department. I always have roasted vegetables, hard boiled eggs, Greek yogurt, and fresh fruit in my refrigerator and Karen relies on a steady supply of bean salad (for those savory moments) and fruit salad (when she hankers for something sweet). For more ideas, we’ve posted a lot about eating light and eating well. See What We Eat: A Tour Through Our Kitchens and Dining Rooms and What Do We Mean by “Eat Lightly?” We are firm believers in staying nourished, comfortable, and happy.
   
   
3. A little extra movement may be just the ticket. Besides, the benefits are fantastic. This may be the simplest suggestion of all: do more of what you love to do. Whether it’s gardening, hiking, dancing, or fencing, movement feels great and really packs a wallop when it comes to your wellness. We’ve provided suggestions about how to move more over the past few months. Here, we write about the joys of exercise: Exercise Should Be Playtime for Grownups.
   
   
4. Work with your healthcare provider. I know from 30 years of experience, both as a person who takes psychiatric medication and as a counselor educator, that there are hundreds of options when it comes to medications. My psychiatrist worked with me for almost 10 years to find medications that were maximally effective with minimal side effects. This is a long, drawn out process, but oh so very worth it. If you suspect that you are on a “gainer,” let your provider know that you want to try other options. If the best solution for your mental health turns out to be one that leans toward the chubby, consult 1, 2, and 3 above. I take two medications that cause weight gain but I maintain (more or less) pretty well.

All in all, there are a few things you have under your control when it comes to maintaining a weight you are happy with. Food and exercise are the obvious ones, but managing medications, communicating with professionals effectively, and balancing all of these into your busy life are also important. I am a firm believer in the importance of psychopharmacology to my health. I think you’ll find a way to balance your needs for medication with lifestyle factors as well.

The monitor lizard is common in many parts of the world but what most people don’t know about this critter is how it got its name. This lizard has the habit of standing on its hind legs and “monitoring” its surroundings for prey, threats, and possibly unwanted changes on the scale. Well, two of those things are true, at least.

Monitor, monitor, monitor! Since January 1 of 2017, the first day of the last diet I will ever undertake, I have weighed myself daily. Each Wednesday since that day, I have recorded my weight in a handy-dandy log that I actually refer to more than you would think. Has my weight increased this year? What was my starting weight? Have I remained steady all month? Am I still maintaining? The log tells the truth when my mind is more than happy to lie about the situation. Oh, and the lying goes in both directions: “I’m okay. My weight is holding steady” when it’s actually creeping up, or “I know I’m putting on weight” when it’s actually holding steady.

In addition to my scale, I have a few ways to monitor my weight. Like everyone else, I have those favorite jeans that fit just right at my chosen weight. I also monitor how other clothes feel and look. Just five pounds can make a difference and you can quickly use this feedback to make the small changes needed to maintain. Remember: maintenance can be up a few pounds, down a few pounds, as well as a steady state.

The scale and my jeans are important, but what else do I monitor to help me maintain? I make sure I am serving myself the quantities that I want. For example, a half-cup of brown rice is not a cup of brown rice. I use an app to track points (you can also use an app to track calories). When cooking, I monitor how much olive oil or butter I am adding and, conversely, how many vegetables I’m getting—I aim for half the plate.

Maintenance can be a joy and is oh-so-much-easier than dieting. At Stop Losing and Win we hope to put an end to diets altogether and teach others what we have learned: You can maintain an achievable, comfortable weight, and you can do it for the rest of your life. I know we talk a good bit about food and activity, but add monitoring as the third leg of the bench to keep your weight steady.

Is there a fast and easy way to lose weight and keep it off? Our medical establishment seems to think so, or do they? Consider the following advice, found on a printout my partner brought home from the doctor’s office today:

If this is true, losing weight should be easy as pie—or should I say tofu? But can anyone really lower their BMI by simply doing a few tweaks to their diet and exercising more? If they could, the obesity epidemic would be over. No, losing weight is a rigorous, all-consuming (excuse the pun) activity requiring many months of constant vigilance. I know because I have done it more than once. It’s freakin’ hard! I have maintained my weight for four years, just so that I never have to do that again.

But wait! There’s more! If overweight were considered a medical rather than a behavioral problem, insurance companies would literally go broke in a year. Don’t think they don’t know this. I suspect that a great deal of effort goes into making sure weight problems are always considered your problem, not theirs. Hence the insipid and thoroughly unhelpful advice quoted above. They can say they addressed it without having to do the hard work of teaching you weight management.

So, there is the big push to tell you to lose weight. Your doctor’s in on it, your health insurance company is in on it, and so are dozens of weight loss programs who say they can make dieting fun, fast, and easy. I imagine all of them wringing their hands until you achieve that “perfect” BMI. Let’s assume for a moment that you do it—you diet down, maybe even to a BMI under 25. What will happen once you have arrived? Your doctor’s office doesn’t tell you how to maintain. Moreover, physiologically, every cell in your body is screaming for you to put the fat back on. Psychologically, you might feel tempted to enjoy foods you avoided while dieting and, once you give yourself permission, you may not easily be able to quit. It’s your body’s conspiracy to “help” you get back to “normal.” Our own doctors, our own insurance companies have set us up for failure. Now what?

At Stop Losing and Win we provide weight management strategies that have worked for us, and that we think can work for you as well. We promise, we will never give you the kind of glib advice you might get from your doctor’s office (can you believe I had the guts to write that?). We understand that weight management is a complicated and discouraging process. We have survived dieting, convincing our bodies over the years that we are not starving, but healthy and happy at our new weights. One of us at the ideal BMI, the other slightly over it. You can do this too. And remember, your BMI doesn’t define you, you do.

Everywhere I go I see it: food porn. Those glossy images of giant desserts, resplendent with whip cream, laden with chocolate, floating on a delicate pastry crust. As a baker I can tell you that those desserts are loaded with white flour, white sugar, and fat, fat, fat, usually in the form of a couple sticks of butter and whipped cream. And that’s not all: seductive images of fries and burgers, all shiny and delicious, fit the definition of food porn as well. What really throws me off, though, is that the WW site is rife with pictures of food that can only be understood as porn. Admittedly, WW recipes trim down the fat and sugar, but the portion sizes displayed are way out of line for someone who wants to lose or maintain. What is the message here? Is WW saying that you can still regularly eat giant desserts from heaven without going to hell on the scale? Are they saying that the only change you need to make is to prepare the dessert or the wondrous fried concoction like this rather than like that, and your home free?

For Karen and myself, our approach to weight loss and management has been to change the way we eat, not just eat the same fattening meals and dabble a little bit with the ingredients. As we relearned what to eat, our palettes changed. Little by little, fruit and vegetables took center stage with lean proteins just behind the curtain. Our everyday intake is now heavy on minimally processed plant foods although we both enjoy small portions of dessert on special occasions—but not a portion bigger than our heads! Our motto is to eat “play” foods like we are in a sidewalk café in Paris, not bending over the kitchen sink with grease running down both arms.

Food porn is everywhere: on the TV, in magazines, on billboards, and online. Unconsciously (and sometimes consciously) we respond to the images of the greasy burger, the fried chicken, and the ever-present fabulous desserts. These are the foods that reside in our most private fantasies. I think these images work on us behind the scenes, gently persuading us to go ahead and do it “just this once.”

There is nothing we can do about food porn. It is ubiquitous. But we are not helpless in the face of temptation. First, just being aware that you are being intentionally tempted reduces the power that these images have over you. Second, your good instincts that tell you how to nourish yourself. Your body knows what it needs, and it’s not a giant piece of greasy meat or a pile of fluff that delivers a thousand calories and not one ounce of nutrition. Third, the way you form a new habit is to regularly eat those delicious foods—no, not the porn foods, the ones that are actually good for you. Over time, the lure of food porn fades away.

Stop Losing and Win is based on two natural acts: eating and moving. Here we address the eating aspect of weight maintenance but we promise to come back to movement in a few weeks. There is nothing magical about maintenance—we are not doing anything extraordinary to keep the weight off, but we have, over the years, retrained ourselves on how and what we eat. How includes the context in which we eat such as the place setting and the room; the amount of time we dedicate to the meal: and who we choose to share our meals with. The what is the substance of the meal such as ingredients, preparation, and presentation. It sounds complicated, but all of these components magically come together to create what we call a meal.

What Marji Eats

To prepare an evening meal, I generally start with the produce. What vegetables will we have? I then choose a main course which can be the traditional American meat or fish, or a protein-intensive dish like coq au Riesling, a family favorite. I often make dishes or casseroles that combine a protein source with lots and lots of veggies such as black bean chili, eggplant parmesan, or fajitas. We like salads and will have one, loaded down with beans, chicken breast, or hardboiled eggs with lots of beautiful cut vegetables—light on the salad dressing, of course. Speaking of vegetables, we love them roasted—roasting brings out the natural sweetness and just the right texture. We enjoy a glass of wine with dinner. After most meals, I like to have fruit, but I’m often full after dinner, so I skip it.

And what about context? My partner and I break all the rules and eat in front of the TV. We lay out our beautiful meal on pretty placemats with matching napkins, so we’re not complete monsters, and we interact and talk about our day. I’m not sure how long a meal lasts in our household, but we certainly take our time and savor each delicious bite. Meals at our house are both fun and nutritious, but we didn’t always eat this way. A few years ago cheeses and pastas and sauces would have played the leading roles.

What Karen Eats

I learned during the year it took to follow WW and lose that last 30 lbs, eat breakfast like royalty!  I had been going to sleep feeling fairly hungry during that time and was ready to do breakfast as soon as we woke up.  We either load up on an ever-shifting variety of veggies with eggs or make a pot of old-fashioned oats with ground flax or chia seeds topped with a couple of eggs plus 1 ½ T. of good quality ground Romano cheese.  (our oats: 2 1/4 cups water, one cup oats, 2 T. of seeds, cook on stovetop until done… John gets 2/3rds, I get 1/3.) On alternate days, John uses a little good quality olive oil, sautés zucchini, onion, mushrooms, pepper, greens…whatever is available, and then scrambles eggs into the mixture. Sometimes he will make a spinach and feta omelet, a real treat. This is the one meal we have planned for each day, and it really does see me through.  When I was still losing weight, I would begin to feel hungry again as soon as 10:30 or 11:00.  Now I can make it to lunch time and beyond.

Typically, I will make soup in our Instant Pot for lunch.  It’s good to have it prepared ahead of time and the varieties are endless.  Most often I make a legume-based soup with lots of veggies and perhaps a few ounces of ham or chorizo for flavoring.  Other options are winter squash soups or chicken or turkey made from a roast with leftover brown rice, onions, carrots, and celery added.  When I do have soup with rice, I think in terms of a half-cup serving of rice for my portion.

We take a wine break later in the afternoon, and catch up on a taped TV show.  I thoroughly enjoy my glass of white.  It is good to be retired!

Dinner will be based on a lean protein source such as chicken, beef, pork loin, fish, or tofu.  Veggies are always front and center with a salad, stir fry or substantial side.  Our salads are often made with our ubiquitous bean salad, adding chopped tomatoes, cucumber, red pepper and such, topped with a splash of extra balsamic vinegar.  Again, I count on legumes to help me feel full and give me a substantial carbohydrate source since I am most honestly gluten intolerant. 

I enjoy fruit throughout the day, most often having a banana mid-morning, or an apple in the afternoon.  It depends on what is in season.  I typically will have a treat after dinner, like a small square of really good dark chocolate or a couple of ginger snaps with tea. 

This works for me.  I still think in terms of serving sizes and foods that do not have assigned points from my WW days, but I don’t count or track now.  The appetite and brain have come to an agreement about what to eat at home, and the scale says all is well.

By their very nature, diet plans are restrictive, life-limiting, and fraught with anxiety. Schemes and plans that promise wellness are no exception with their strict dietary rules and draconian exercise regimens. Stop Losing and Win offers an alternative, one that you can live with for the rest of your life. So, how can this be a real plan?

I’ll tell you how.

First, we’re taking the long view of weight maintenance, knowing that the physical changes will only last as long as the behavioral changes do. Ask yourself: What do I need to have every day to be happy? What are my “non-negotiables?” What food usually “breaks” my diet?  As you build your individual plan for maintenance, take those unique needs into account. If it’s a square of chocolate or a cookie, work it in to your plan.

Second, embrace healthy changes and practice good habits. As we have recommended, eat lightly and eat well. Choose foods that are full of color and life, close to their natural state. We’ve read that half of your plate should be vegetables, and we think that’s a good guideline, but it’s ONLY a guideline, so don’t go crazy with it. Satisfy your need for sweet with beautiful, seasonal fruits. Embrace movement and make sure to engage in activities that you love. As is true with any individualized plan, your favored activities could be anything from line dancing to mountain climbing. My partner and I simply walk our neighborhood and by some kind of miracle, by the end of the week we’ve walked several miles. We know we need upper body conditioning and core strength in addition to the cardio, so we take some fun classes with instructors who make us smile. Exercise accomplished.

Third, go ahead and love food. We know you do; we all do. It’s our birthright. Contrary to popular belief, there is no good food or bad food. There is only food. I hear dieters say “Oh, I was bad today, I ate a brownie” or “I was good all week and didn’t lose a pound.” Now dieting is restrictive, fraught, AND a virtue? Give me a break. Don’t give this kind of thinking any oxygen.

Finally, and most importantly, implement your plan flexibly. The scale will go up and down a little, depending on what’s going on in your life and your changing needs. Using the guidelines that we’ve suggested, you can manage the small changes by continuing to nurture yourself, appreciating your body, and rejoicing in your achievements. Listen to your hunger and fullness signals and start attending to these rather than using an empty plate as your cue to stop eating. Unlike other diet plans, we never want you to be afraid to celebrate with your coworkers, family, and friends, and celebrations always mean food and laughter.

To sum up, in order to maintain a healthy weight, you need to listen to your body cues, respond to your psychological needs, and engage in your community. No one can maintain by taking themselves out of society and living on a mountainside like a monk, at least not for long. Take the long road on your maintenance journey and enjoy every minute along the way.

Stop Losing and Win is all about maintenance, and now we have new evidence that maintaining a healthy, manageable weight is a worthy goal. I conceptualize dieting as disequilibrium and maintenance as healthy balance. Dieting forces you to limit calories in order to reduce pounds, a condition your body must hate. Maintenance, on the other hand, is all about having enough, just enough.

Last week, Karen wrote about how, for every pound of weight loss, you lose up to a third of a pound of muscle. What other physiological and mental impacts does dieting have on our bodies and minds?

I think about how I have performed the rituals of dieting throughout my life. I always treated dieting as casually as brushing my teeth, and I’ve done it almost as frequently. Any and all weight loss was celebrated as a success, regardless of the reason, the method, or the harm done.

Can you diet in a healthy, balanced way, or are you off balance when you do?

In addition to muscle loss, dieting can be awfully hard on the gut. Both my brother and I developed serious digestive problems after going on a liquid fast. I lost 60 pounds but it took me three years to get back to normal. My brother never has normalized. Not only that, but I gained 50 pounds back.

And what about eating disorders? Anorexia and bulimia are almost the definition of disequilibrium. They caution us that dieting can be deadly.

So, what do I do? I am gearing up for a diet. I think I need to take off a few pounds, and so the ritual begins. If I do diet, it will be different this time. I will be kind to myself. I will take it very slow, be sure to get great nutrition, lift weights to minimize muscle and bone loss, and, most important of all, keep my balance.

Is there a way of taking off pounds that is safe for your mind and body?

When we say Stop Losing and Win, one of the most important bits of information to remember is when you lose weight, up to one third of each pound is going to be lean tissue. Muscle.

Muscles are necessary:

• to get you upright from a chair

• to allow you to stand up straight to your full height

• to stop yourself from falling

• and climb a flight of stairs

Everything you typically do. Muscles work in tandem with your bones to keep you active and independent, so this is about protecting your bones as well.
When you know that, it is easy to understand why exercise is so important as we maintain. All of us who have lost weight have some rebuilding to do, and then active prevention of muscle and bone loss as each year goes by. We will write much more about this in the future, but it is the inspiration behind our determination to stop you from going on the next diet.

All of us who have lost weight have some rebuilding to do, and then active prevention of muscle and bone loss as each year goes by.

All sources say that exercise is necessary for maintenance. Still, nobody is going to keep exercising long if what they are doing becomes hateful, painful or discouraging. How can you find exercise that you will look forward to and actually do?

• Think about your childhood activities and preferences. Did you prefer competitive activities, or were you happier riding your bike and climbing trees? Competitors might be happiest doing exercise where they can track and measure their improvements, or team sports. Others might enjoy a spin or Zumba class where everyone is doing parallel play.

• What is available to you? Do you have an active dog? Well then, your cardio workout is a given. My Medicare program lowers the cost of a gym membership considerably. Except for the months they were closed due to Covid, I have been able to enjoy a great deal of variety there.

• Reading about the National Weight Control Registry, most of those over 10,000 long-term successful weight loss maintainers walk an hour most every day. Sources say a half hour of getting your heart beating harder most days will do you a lot of good. Most anyone can walk, but adding an activity or two that would strengthen the upper body would be wise. Adding ski poles to your walk, snowshoeing, or cross-country skiing are going to give you a full body workout.

In order to rebuild and retain strength, two sessions each week of resistance training are important. This can be done with weights, bands, body weight, or machines. Learning how to do exercises correctly can mean greater gains in the long run. Doing this with others can make it play.

So, what are you thinking might be fun? Love to dance? Ever tried Zumba? Check out classes on the internet, many are free. Get your heart pumping harder most days of the week, and use those muscles!