As we cruise smoothly through space at 448,000 miles per hour, I sense a disturbance in my “inner space.” It is an alien quietly, yet persistently, commenting on my progress: “You’re not losing weight.” “You haven’t dropped a pound in two weeks.” “This diet sucks harder that that black hole straight ahead.”
Why this Jedi mind trick? (yes, I know that’s the other franchise, silly)? I get on the scale. Is that the same number I saw last week?
Scotty, where is the star log?”
“CAPTAIN, I HAVE THE STARSHIP’S THRUSTERS ON FULL REVERSE AND GRAVITY IS STILL PULLING US INTO THAT BLACK HOLE AHEAD! WHAT SHOULD I DO?”
“Scotty, stop being such a drama queen and get me that log!”
“Fine. You don’t have to be so bossy!”
Hmm…down five pounds in three weeks. Not bad. “Thanks, Scotty.”
“But, Captain, what do we do about the black hole?”
“Let’s see” I go up to the window and look more closely “The windows on the bridge are a smudgy mess. Gotta enforce that ‘no eating on the bridge’ policy.”
(To myself) Scotty, you really are “extra,” aren’t you?
“Scotty, would you please bring some Windex?”
So, it appears that an alien has invaded my ship and is able to influence my motivation, telling me to stop dieting, that it’s just not worth it. Good thing we keep good records on the Enterprise! Not to mention Windex!
Stop Losing and Win 